greenday12688fandomcom-20200213-history
The Fry Cook Games Dub (Transcript)
Patrick: Fry Cook Games. Narrator: How was it on Lagoona Beach, Patrick? Patrick: Faggot! (An unknown track plays over the rest of the opening titles and the very beginning of the next scene, before being replaced by a very, very bad beatbox of a horn fanfare. Scene begins outside of the Fast Food Coliseum. Horns are played as Harold the blue spotted fish runs into the stadium, holding a small torch. He runs up the stairs to a huge hamburger) Harold: '''I like big dick! I said it! Damn right, I said it! Like big... (A gust of wind blows by and puts out the flame on the torch as somebody says "oohh". "Please Stand By" appears on the screen with beeping noises.) '''Person: Fuck! (The "Please Stand By" screen dissolves into the next scene.) SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs, old buddy, old pal, why don't you time me while I run like a faggot? (SpongeBob starts jogging in place and panting. A fish runs by in the foreground and grunts. A spotlight shines down on SpongeBob and he puts his hand on his heart) SpongeBob: Oh yeah, don't I look good in my tights like a big weeblin'-wobblin' junkmaster fleck? Mr. Krabs: Sometimes I do like to rub my dick in potato salad. Big boy! (Mr. Krabs walks away) SpongeBob: Kinda leave the rice, bitch! (SpongeBob starts doing pushups) SpongeBob: Steven. Steven. Steven. Steven (etc until Patrick stops talking) (Patrick walks up) Patrick: '''Are you humping Steven? (SpongeBob stops) '''SpongeBob: Yeah, baby. (SpongeBob continues doing pushups) Steven. Steven. Steven. Steven. (etc until Patrick rips out the grass) Patrick: '''You know, SpongeBob, I've been really concerned about you. You haven't been acting the same lately. 'Cause this is MY (Patrick rips the piece of grass out from under SpongeBob, flipping him over) Steven! '''SpongeBob: (screams) Last night, me and Steven played swordfights with our dicks! Patrick: '''Really? I love that game! '''SpongeBob: John Travolta. (SpongeBob starts jumping rope) Man of the jump rope. Patrick: Chimichanga. Chimichanga, chimichanga, chimichanga, chimi! tosses his jump rope behind him SpongeBob: Golden Girls are easy. Patrick: Little...(makes "pshaw" noise) Little peanut butter man. SpongeBob: I disagree, you bitch-ass motherfucker! Fuck you, I have morals. Patrick: So, about Steven. Does he cry when he masturbates like a bitch? SpongeBob: Yo! I bet you're gonna kick that rock right now. (Patrick flips a rock over with his foot, with noise of a door closing, and makes a weird grunt.) SpongeBob: (gasp) The Olympic games are so stressful. It just makes me wanna take out my cock and stroke it for a little bitty! Patrick: (weird gasp) Rub your sack in my butt-cleavage! SpongeBob: '''(gasps and points at Patrick) Shake it, fatty! (SpongeBob's index finger gleams. Patrick dances around) '''Patrick: I'm pink, I'm fat. I'm pink, I'm fat. SpongeBob: Yeah? Kevin Costner, Dances with Wolves. Patrick: '''Wha...why'd you'd have to bring that up? I hate Kevin Costner! '''SpongeBob: Dude, he has the biggest shaft in the whole world! Patrick: '''(makes a throw-up like noise) Well, you...you're a flabby-tits asshole man! '''SpongeBob: Do not! Patrick: Do too! SpongeBob: Dick! Patrick: Oh yeah! (Patrick screams and holds his head) Patrick: Ouch! I think it's time we take a fucking break, SpongeBob! (Patrick walks off. SpongeBob growls and starts doing pushups again, this time faster) SpongeBob: (in German accent) Fine! (back to normal voice) Steven. Steven. Steven. (etc until the camera is no longer on him) (Mr. Krabs sniffs the air) Mr. Krabs: '''Where's...the...potato salad? This...means...GUMBY! (Camera zooms over to Plankton, who is standing in the entranceway of the stadium. Plankton pulls out a human nose from behind him.) '''Plankton: I smell...like...a piece...(sniffs himself) Oohh! Of shit! (As one of the pre-built songs from iMovie plays, Mr. Krabs runs over, his feet twinkling. Plankton does the same. Mr. Krabs makes a Broadway pose. Plankton makes a similar pose, holding a cane and a top hat. Mr. Krabs plays a piano, while Plankton blows into a tuba, messing up the rhythm) Plankton: (in different voice than before) I love my baby back ribs! (Plankton meets up with Mr. Krabs by getting on a small platform and pulling a lever which goes up to Mr. Krabs' height) Plankton: (back to first voice) (weird noise) Mr Krabs: '''If I had a nickel for every time I saw Will Smith naked, I'd have one nickel. '''Plankton: '''How dare you! Now take out that big lobster wang and put butter on it, I wanna fucking suck it! (Plankton raises his arm and accidentally whacks the lever, causing him to lower again. He raises it back up) '''Plankton: I said fucking suck it! Mr. Krabs: Suck me, big boy! You and your one chance of sticking it between my toes...GUMBY!...BITCH! (As karate music plays, SpongeBob does a karate routine, using two spatulas as nunchucks, then laughs innocently when he finishes) Mr. Krabs: '''See that? She's got beautiful...beautiful nuts! '''Plankton: Motherfuckin' Beat Lab! Dr. Dre ain't got shit on this guy! (Plankton lowers a microphone. Very bad rap beatbox starts.) Plankton: (in a third voice, pretty much Patrick's) If you've got a problem, just hit me. I'm sexting worldwide and sucking that dick, woo-hoo. (The crowd turns to the southeast corridor) Plankton: '''Now watch me get mad. (growls) (The crowd turns to the southwest corridor) '''Plankton: Tits. (beatbox stops, Plankton is back to the first voice) Time to unveil the beast! (In the entranceway, an extremely large shadow approaches, making loud stomps on the way. Two parents cover up their child's eyes, and he covers theirs. Mr. Krabs' eyes sink into his shell with a cartoony whistle. A muscular fish sits, trembling in the audience. He quickly gets up to leave) Muscular Fish: I'm coming, I'm coming. Plankton: Oh yeah, baby, old-fashioned handjob! So fucking beautiful! (Some fish whimper in terror. The wall of the stadium explodes, while a voice saying "BOOM" taken from P.O.D.'s song of the same name plays. Fish fly everywhere. When the dust clears up, a huge, purple muscular fish is seen. The huge fish turns around, revealing Patrick to be strapped to his back. Patrick waves happily and makes a cute noise. SpongeBob stares in shock. He walks up as Patrick gets down from the huge fish's back) SpongeBob: '''Hey, Patrick if I had big nuts I'd tie it to you. '''Patrick: Well, you don't make much sense, but I'll show you my tits anyway, big boy. How 'bout that! (Patrick lifts up his shirt) Patrick: Look at 'em! (A name tag is stuck to his chest that says, "The Chum Bucket, Patrick.". A stunned chord followed by a party whistle plays.) SpongeBob: You need to take a walk, take a fucking walk, dumbass. Patrick: Hey, I don't need to take a walk. SpongeBob: '''Yeah, you do. You're fat. '''Patrick: Ready? SpongeBob: Yes! (The two walk away) SpongeBob: (mutters something) Mr. Krabs, I hate my dick. It's really small and I hate it. Mr. Krabs: Oh yeah! Well, I love it. It's great. SpongeBob: Stop and Shop it. Plankton: (in a fourth voice) Flip it down and reverse it! Patrick: That's good. Plankton: (in a fifth voice) Yeah, you're right, this dick's pretty big. It's pretty big than appear. SpongeBob: Fuck. Mr. Krabs: Rub my...dick in potato salad! Patrick: Tater salad! Plankton: (in sixth voice) Do it, put your dick in his salad! Bitch! (in seventh voice, which is basically just SpongeBob's) Aw yeah, come on baby, shake that ass! SpongeBob: (thinking) I want cupcakes. Mr. Krabs: I came out with my dick in my hand, don't make me put yo foot in yo ass! Be cool! SpongeBob: Wow. Plankton: (sixth voice) Fuck ass! Patrick: Pandas! Mr. Krabs: Howie Harp! SpongeBob: Small white boys! Plankton: Scrummy-ass bitch! Mr. Krabs: Oh yeah! Plankton: Boobs! Mr. Krabs: Big tits! Patrick: Boooooooo... SpongeBob: Boooooooo.... SpongeBob & Patrick: oooooooooooobs! Big fish: (wheezes) (Scene cuts to the first event. A deep fryer labeled "Fry King" sits in front of two high poles. SpongeBob stands in front of Mr. Krabs, holding a long pole) Mr. Krabs: I want you to jump that shit right there. SpongeBob: I'm gonna fucking jump...this...SHIT! (SpongeBob flips over the poles and the deep fry and splats down on the circle drawn in the ground. The crowd gasps. SpongeBob forms a number one sign and the crowd cheers) Plankton: This is what Ben Affleck does with his small dick. (Patrick flips over the poles, making a weird noise, but lands on the handle of the deep fryer, flinging it at the crowd and turning them into fish sticks. A vendor walks up and turns on a heat lamp) Vendor: Hey, yo, eat this shit. (Scene cuts to the second event. SpongeBob and Patrick are standing in front of a tall ladder that leads to a diving board, perched above a bowl of chocolate syrup) SpongeBob: I'll go sleep in your dad's bed if you want me to. (Olympic theme starts playing. SpongeBob climbs up the ladder, holds up two popsicle sticks and sticks them into the top of his head. SpongeBob jumps off the diving board.) SpongeBob: Grandma's...ASSCHEEKS! (SpongeBob flips around a couple times, then leaps toward the bowl. He lands in the chocolate syrup getting coated in it, then hops out of it and into a sandbox full of toasted almonds. SpongeBob lands in the circle, turns around toward the camera and grins.) SpongeBob: Yeah. (SpongeBob walks upside-down past Patrick, using the popsicle sticks for legs) SpongeBob: Cockass. Bitches. (Plankton walks up) Plankton: Do you believe this guy? Walking around like he owns the place and shit. Fuckin' motherfuckin' Jones. Patrick: Jones? Plankton: Motherfuckin' Jones. (Patrick groans) Plankton: You're gonna let him dress up as an ice cream cone, and fuck your wife in front of you like that, bro? (Patrick screams, then as the Olympic theme starts again, hops up onto the diving board with the lower half of his body inside an ice cream cone. He slowly leans off the edge until he falls off the diving board and splashes into the bowl, with chocolate syrup flying everywhere. A live action strawberry cone with a chocolate dip is shown with a heavanly choir. Patrick hops up to SpongeBob grinning while SB is very angry about losing) Patrick: I fucked a black guy. SpongeBob: Woah, woah, what the fuck did you just say? Patrick: I just fuckin' said, I just fucked a black guy! (A clip of highlights from the games is shown, beginning with SpongeBob tossing a patty. Patrick skates on a large grill with butter on his feet. Patrick tosses a large bottle of ketchup up in the air. SpongeBob and Patrick race on a track carrying trays full of food; the two fly up in the air on two large spatulas. They both do a dance wearing colorful outfits and fruit hats. The clip ends. A large arena on top of a hamburger is on screen. The realistic Fish Head is still reporting) Johnny: (very quietly) Here we are at Cheeseburger Stadium, uh, there's a lot of people... ("Vintage News" from the iMovie stock libarary plays.) Mr. Krabs: (Rubbing SpongeBob's shoulders) Don't forget, he's a gay fat starfish. (SpongeBob picks up a metal chain and bites off and chews up the middle of it. He bares his teeth, revealing the metal chain to now be attached to them like braces. Patrick farts.) Plankton: I'm gonna go try out for Two and a Half Men. (Plankton hops away. Patrick picks up a lemon) Patrick: Push it to...THE LEMONS! (Rips it in half, puts both halves into each of his eyes and screams) (The bell rings as somebody says "dong". SpongeBob tears off his blue robe, showing off his extremely large, muscular body. Patrick rips off his own green robe, underneath which he is wearing a business suit. He tears off the business suit, also revealing an extremely large, muscular body. The two dive at each other, screaming, until they collide. As romantic music plays, they wrestle and continue to wind up in twisted positions.) Patrick: (in Russian voice) Oooh ja, you, you like, you like it. Yes. I take you like that, yes. SpongeBob'''L (in German voice) (screams in pleasure) (They spin around and wind up wrestling with themselves. '''Patrick: I punch myself...FUCK! (They realize this, and dive back at each other. Patrick sits on top of SpongeBob, holding his foot) Patrick: Yes, you, you lick it. I take your foot. I take it off and I lick. YES! (Patrick takes off SpongeBob's shoe and licks his foot slowly.) SpongeBob: Uncle, uncle! (The two wrestle again. SpongeBob sits on Patrick's chest and lifts up a pencil with the eraser side pointing toward Patrick.) Patrick: Wait. Don't. No. No. (He slowly brings it down to his name tag and erases the "Pat" in "Patrick", leaving "rick") Patrick: No. I WANT...THAT...DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK! (Patrick tackles SpongeBob and the two wrestle once more) SpongeBob:' '''But I'm not ready for you, Patrick! '''Patrick': But I wuv you! SpongeBob: But I have too many hoes! Patrick: Gimme that veiner you little schmaggot-poo! SpongeBob: Yes. Patrick: I like you. (They struggle to push each other until both of their pants rip and fall down. Dramatic chord plays. Patrick's underwear is yellow. SpongeBob's underwear is pink. Their eyes start to water) SpongeBob and Patrick: OH NO, VE DON'T HAVE SCHWEINERS! (They both start crying and hug each other) SpongeBob: Hey, let's go on YouTube and watch Grandma's Kisses. Patrick: Yeah, fuckin' Gumby. (The two friends walk off whistling what is presumbaly a Creed song and holding hands.) Mr. Krabs: Fuck! Was that Creed? Plankton: But wait! What about motherfuckin' Jones? (SpongeBob and Patrick exit the stadium as the romantic music plays again.) Singer: Tears in her eyes, as she looks to the skies. She's...(music fades out) (An end credits sequence plays, the end theme being a mash up of "Get Ready for This" and "I lIke to Move It, Move It". The text of the credits rolls in the left while the rest of the video plays in the right corner.) Credits: This video was made by the original creators of the Grandma's Kisses SpongeBob Dub whose identities will be left unknown due to the graphic nature and content of this video. Fuck all of you assholes. We do what we love. Here comes the jam. (To finally be 100% finished tommorow.)